


Actual Cannibal Kabuto Yakushi

by AbsoluteSpoon



Category: Naruto, Original Work
Genre: I am so sorry, Other, atleast i got to write about kabuto getting killed though yay, cannibal shia labeouf parody, cunto is kabuto's new name by the way, idk why i made this, please forgive me lords
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 09:56:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17384321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbsoluteSpoon/pseuds/AbsoluteSpoon
Summary: why cannibal kabuto??? because i wanted a reason to be able to kill cunto lol





	Actual Cannibal Kabuto Yakushi

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AnnaOkegom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaOkegom/gifts).



> idc if this meme is years dead. i listened to it again and wanted to make this

On a stage, Yasuro stands in front of a microphone, dressed in the Suishōkage's uniform. In front of him, are the Konoha 11, all prepared to be dancers.  
Behind him, the Sannin stand with the Jonin who were Genin during the Fourth Hokage's reign, all prepared as an orchestra. To his sides are an assortment of people; the Akatsuki are all in red robes, while people like the Kage's, Gaara, Katsumi, etc are all playing instruments. The performance begins... 

Yasuro's walking through the woods.  
There's no one around and phones don't exist yet idiot.  
Out of the corner of his eye he spots him. 

*Whispers* Kabuto Yakushi.

Kabuto's following Yasuro, about thirty feet back.  
Kabuto gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint, he's gaining on him! 

KABUTO YAKUSHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yasuro's looking for Katsumi but he's all turned around.  
Kabuto's almost upon him now, and Yasuro can see there's blood on his face...  
My, GOD, THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Running for his life from Kabuto Yakushi!  
He's brandishing Chakra Scalpels! it's Kabuto Yakushi!  
Lurking in the shadowsssss....  
Orochi Boi's personal bitch! Kabuto Yakushi!  
Living in the woods! Kabuto Yakushi!  
Killing for Orochi! Kabuto Yakushi!  
Eating all the bodiessssss...  
Actual cannibal Kabuto Yakushi!

Now it's dark, and Yasuro seems to have lost him...  
But he's hopelessly lost himself...  
Stranded, with a cu--murderer!  
He creeps silently through the underbrush...  
Aha! In the distance - A cottage with a light on - hope!  
Yasuro moves stealthily towards it...  
BUT HIS LEG! aH! IT'S CAUGHT IN A BEAR TRAP!

Gnawing off his leg... *Loudly whispers* QUIET, QUIET...  
Limping to the cottage... *Loudly whispers* QUIET, QUIET... 

Now Yasuro's on the doorstep...  
Sitting inside, OROC-- Kabuto Yakushi!  
Sharpening an axe! Kabuto Yakushi!  
BUT HE DOESN'T HEAR YASURO ENTER! KABUTO YAKUSHI!  
He's sneaking up behind Kabutoooooi...  
STANGLING OROCHI'S BITCH KABUTO YAKUSHI!  
FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE WITH KABUTO YAKUSHI!  
WRESTLING A KNIFE, FROM KABUTO YAKUSHI!  
STAB IT IN HIS KIDNEEEEEEEEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
SAFE AT LAST, FROM KABUTO YAKUSHI... 

Yasuro limps into the Pitch Black Fore--dark woods...  
Blood oozing from his stump leg.  
Yasuro's beaten, Kabuto Yakushi...

WAIT! HE ISN'T DEAD! KABUTO SURPRIIIIISE!!!!!!!!!  
THERE'S A KUNAI TO YASURO'S NECK - because guns don't exist yet idiot - AND DEATH IN HIS EYES!  
BUT YASURO CAN DO JIU JITSUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!! HE CAN DO IT!  
YASURO BODY SLAMS OROCHI'S BITCH KABUTO YAKUSHI!  
LEGENDARY FIGHT, WITH KABUTO YAKUSHI!  
NORMAL TUESDAY NIGHT, FOR KABUTO YAKUSHI!  
HE TRIES TO SWING AN AXE AT KABUTO YAKUSHI...  
BUT BLOOD IS DRAINING FAST FROM HIS STUMP LEG!  
HE'S DODGING EVERY SWIPE!  
HE PARRIES TO THE LEFT!  
YASURO COUNTERS TO THE RIGHT, HE CAUGHT HIM IN THE NECK!  
HE'S CHOPPING OFF HIS HEAD NOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
HE HAS JUST DECAPITATED KABUTO YAKUSHI!

His head topples to the floor, expressionless...  
Yasuro falls to his knees and catches his breath.  
He's finally safe, from Kabuto Yakushi...

As the performance slows down, slow clapping comes from the audience. As the camera pans to the right and over all the empty theatre seats while the clapping increases in speed, it finally shows Kabuto, clapping alone in the audience. He stands for a few seconds, still clapping, but once the spotlight shines on him, he abruptly stops, before sitting back down. 

**Author's Note:**

> ayyyyy i got to kill kabuto lmao


End file.
